Don't let your guard down for a minute to those negative thoughtforms within the inner planes and outer dimensions. I could not believe the solution was so simple. Tonight I was meditating and a flash of clarity hit me. I got to thinking, "how could I be suffering from this much fear and anxiety? that is not like me at all. I've been a loving person all my life. Since when did all this fear become a part of me?" Simple... it isn't a part of me! And in split second it was all so clear to me. In the midst of my trip from hell, I had attracted a negative thoughtform entity to me because of all the fear I was letting out. A thoughtform, an attachment, an alien entity from another dimension... something had latched onto me. It had become part of me. This is why, ever since that bad trip, I didn't feel like "me" anymore. I felt like someone else, because, I was. Someone or something had fused with me.

So I focused on the foreign energy and said, "You are not a part of me. Leave me!" And like a light-switch flipped on, it was gone! Right now, I feel a bit disoriented, like I've just been woken up out of a trance. I feel like me again. I can't express here how amazing this feels. It's like that feeling when you meet a close friend whom you haven't seen in years. But enough about me. I feel bad enough making all these "me" posts. I just felt I needed to share what I've learned here, in hopes that it may help someone else.

People, please, don't underestimate the reality of negative thoughtforms and otherdimensional entities who will take up residence within a vibration that suits them and feels like home (ie. YOUR MIND IN A NEGATIVE STATE). If you feel "different" or "changed" recently, it may not be you. It may be abduction, or something like I've just described. Always be discerning!

Thanks for all the responses. It's just been two days and I'm feeling a bit better. Neomatrix, what you describe sounds all too familiar, except during my trip I never let go at any point. I fought to the bitter end. And I believe that's what caused my problems. During the last flashback I had I decided it was time to confront those feelings. Instead of fighting it I let those intense physical waves wash over me. I stayed as calm as possible and focused on deep breathing. It was still painful but turned out better than the other times it happened.

Many of the things mentioned I've already started to do. I've been taking a multivitamin and cut my diet down to basic nuitrional essentials. Aside from my mental problems I've always been pretty healthy. I exercise nearly every day and don't eat any junk food. I figure that if the mind affects the body and vice versa then I need every advantage I can get in that respect.

I've also started praying and meditating more regularly. I've always prayed when I was confused or unsure of myself like this, but often I just didn't know who to pray to. These days I just invoke my Higher Self and "any entities in service to others."

If anyone is wondering, the drug that caused this was indeed DXM. If any Noble Realmers still use drugs for spiritual pursuits please heed my advice and avoid this substance at all costs! It's enticing the first couple times but can become dangerously psychologically addictive.

I think the saying is true that, time is the best healer. I think I just need more time to sort this out and I'll be okay. But being totally ungrounded like this is so disorienting  and it affects all aspects of your life. I can't begin to list the number of lessons this has taught me though, so I guess that's a huge positive.

Thanks everyone.

So I open my eyes, then my mouth, and ask for the music to be turned off. My request is met with a confused disapproval. They like listening to music whilst tripping on 'shrooms, they say. Okay, I guess I'm not making myself understood. I really would like it turned off, please. I don't have time to explain why right now. Please just turn it off. Please? Nope, that didn't work either. I'm still getting met with a confused disapproval. They really do like their trippy music, and what's my god damned problem?

Woooah! That's not quite true my friend!! We turned off the 'trippy' music pretty much the moment you requested it. We then replaced it with some incredibly soothing gentle music that we hoped would help relax you and take your mind off what was happening. It turned out you didn't like that either but we genuinely had your best interests at heart there, and we we're doing everything we could to help you. Just thought I'd clarify that because you've made me look pretty heartless there!

Andy

I was quite surprised to read your account above. I haven't posted on this forum very much these last few months, primarily because I've been busy working on a web project with Andy (Ayahuasca). But it's also because I've been going through a lengthy phase of internalizing my thoughts and feelings about things, and have had little desire to talk at length with anyone. But what you wrote here caught my attention, because it mirrors an experience of my own to some degree. And although I'd pretty much made up my mind not to talk about that experience anymore, perhaps it might be of some value. I may embarrass Andy somewhat in relating this little true story to you all, but he'll get over it. At least, I think he will. Or I certainly hope he will.

Several weeks ago I did mushrooms for the first time. Now, I've never been any kind of hardcore drug user. I've smoked a bit of weed, done a few pills, but little else. When I took mushrooms I had no real idea of what to expect, which as it turns out was probably just as well. The day that I did them I'd also not been feeling too good physically. I had a bit of a persistant chest infection that had tightened the airways within my nose and throat making breathing difficult, and additionally created a feeling of tightness or pressure in my chest area akin to someone pushing down on it with their hands. Anyway, here goes!

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I'm with Andy at our mutual friend Jonny's house to do some mushrooms, but due to my feeling badly I eventually decide against taking them that day. And so I go home for a few hours, read for a bit, but then come back after I start feeling better again. The three of us each drink about one cup full of a mexican mushroom infusion. After twenty minutes or so I'm not feeling anything, so I finish what little is left of the brew in the kettle. Unfortunately for me I start feeling badly again shortly afterwards. But never mind, I think. Just go with it. You'll be okay.

So I sit down on the couch. The first effects I get from the mushrooms are just the usual pretty lights I'd heard about, and when I close my eyes there are some other very colorful "displays" happening there too. Later on I can see ripples and patterns of light dancing across the ceiling, as though it is made of water and some joker is throwing pebbles up into it. My consciousness feels like it is growing and expanding outwards. Strange thoughts and ideas begin entering into my mind.

Not long after that I get hit hard -- really hard. I feel like my entire body is caught up in a tsunami of energy, with waves crashing over me and into me and through me. I feel like I am going to be ripped to pieces at any moment. And that feeling, combined with the already unpleasant tightness in my chest and throat, is causing quite a lot of pain within my body. I also feel like I can't breathe at all, which is extremely unpleasant and pretty damned scary. At the same time, the energy coursing through my body feels like it is trying to pull my consciousness away somewhere else, and yet I am so concerned with my health that I fight against the flow, making it even more painful. At that point I want to go to the emergency room, but I am certainly in no condition to be out in public. I feel terrible.

I'm also starting to feel hot -- very hot. So I decide that maybe some fresh air will help. I somehow drag myself up off the couch, stumble over to the front door of the house, and open it. Now, it's after midnight, and the sight that usually greets me when I open that door at that time is a dark village street, with terraced houses lined up on either side, dimly lit up by street lamps. However, I'm not seeing that this time. What I'm seeing is something resembling a mist-filled valley during daylight hours. Rather cool, thinks I, proceeding to gaze at it for at least another fifteen minutes in a desperate attempt to distract my attention away from how completely awful I feel.

Eventually, I notice that I'm shivering, and something in my awareness tells me that it's because there's cold night air coming in through the open front doorway. My awareness is immediately dragged back into normal waking reality, and I'm looking out at a dark street. I close the door, drag myself back over to the couch, and slump down into it. I'm still feeling completely awful; I'm still having a panic attack; I'm still in quite a lot of pain; I'm still wanting to go to the emergency room; and I'm still in no fit state to be out in public. So I'm sitting back on the couch, barely managing to keep my awareness focused within the room, and the energy is still pounding throughout my body. I feel like I'm trying to ride a surfboard against the flow of a raging storm current, and I'm losing. Badly. I can feel my heart beating in my chest, and just to one side of it I can feel the vibration of the energy flow reach a peak. After a while longer it gets to be too much, and I give up even trying to keep my awareness focused within the room, accept my fate (whatever that might be), and close my eyes, letting the waves of energy drag me off to wherever and whenever they will.

Shit-fuck-arse-tit! There's some trippy music playing in the room, and it's grabbing for my attention. I try and ignore it, but I can't. The waves of energy pulling at my awareness are getting really very annoyed at my apparent inability to do as I'm told. But the music is playing, holding a part of my awareness within the room and preventing me from letting go completely. I feel like I'm being ripped in two, and it is quite utterly unbearable. So I open my eyes, then my mouth, and ask for the music to be turned off. My request is met with a confused disapproval. They like listening to music whilst tripping on 'shrooms, they say. Okay, I guess I'm not making myself understood. I really would like it turned off, please. I don't have time to explain why right now. Please just turn it off. Please? Nope, that didn't work either. I'm still getting met with a confused disapproval. They really do like their trippy music, and what's my god damned problem? Okay, I don't have time for this bullshit. I'm annoyed, and in pain. Please just turn off that f*cking annoying music right now, god damn you! The music is turned off, and the room becomes very quiet. I feel like the party pooper of the century, but I don't care anymore. I'm letting go.

And the flow takes me. The further along I go, the more I don't remember where in the hell I even started. I reach a certain point, and I know that if I keep going I will simply forget everything. Well, f*ck it all, I think, and I keep on going. It kinda feels like I'm falling asleep. Or maybe it feels like I'm dying. Or perhaps I'm falling asleep whilst dying. And maybe I am. And yet I'm still aware of myself, I just don't know who or what I am anymore. And I don't even care, I don't give a shit, not one little bit. No thought, no fear, no-thing. I'm dying, and I don't care. And then time ... just ...... stops.

(And I simply exist.....................................)

But then here comes that time thing again. Time? Oh, yes ... time. Tick, tock -- I remember! It's time to return. I don't really want to, but the flow is running in reverse now, taking me back to wherever it was that I came from however long ago this all started. But, where was that again? Where was I before I was here? And who was I? Damn it all! It's on the tip of a tongue located in a mouth that I can't even feel at this moment. But I remember ... I remember a life. I remember having some kind of a "body" that I walked around in. Where did I leave it again? Oh yeah, I just follow the flow! The flow is what brought me here, so I guess it'll take me back "home" to my body. Or at least, I hope it will. But what if something happened whilst I was away? What if my body isn't there anymore? What if it died? What if.....? Oh, never mind, here it is -- I'm back at long last! Can I just move a finger? Yes, okay, great -- there we go. And I can remember now. It's all coming back to me. I was in a room, slumped on a couch, and my eyes were shut, and that god awful music was turned off, and all was absolutely silent.

But now I can hear voices. People talking. Someone sat next to me. Who the ...? Oh, it's my ride home. Well, I hope he doesn't mind waiting because I don't think I'll be moving for a little while. The energy is still rushing through me, but damn these are some really f*cking good vibrations! I feel like I'm plugged into the local power grid, but it's really neat, and they aren't trying to carry me off anywhere now. There's those pretty lights again. Green and pink and yellow and white. My body aches, but the pain is mostly gone. I'd better open my mouth and let them all know that I'm okay. It's a struggle, but I manage it. A little later on I reach up with my hand and touch my cheek. It feels like my face is a mask that I'm just wearing. Perhaps I still haven't fully settled back "in" after my little outing. An hour or so later, I finally manage to stand up. I go back home, and fall into bed, and have some pretty vivid dreams.

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So, story over. Since that experience I've still been having vivid dreams quite often. Sometimes a feeling of unreality will just wash over me when I least expect it, and I have to question whether or not "this" is all really happening. I don't feel grounded like I used to anymore, the world itself feels illusory to me oftentimes, but I'm kinda getting used to the fact that I'll never feel quite the same way about it ever again. I never much liked the old world anyway. So perhaps I'm just in the process of finding new ground to stand on, or maybe I just don't need to be grounded at all anymore -- I'm not sure yet. But there's no going back, this much I know, and attempting to do so is a complete waste of time. There is certainly an incredible amount of energy surging into this planet right now, and I know, cos like you I've been plugged directly into it.

But the worst feeling in the world would be to think that you're alone in these experiences, and that you're the only one that feels disconnected from reality, or at least from reality as was. The symptoms of disconnection that you describe are certainly a tad more extreme than mine have been. And whilst I'm not sure of the entire reasons for this, and whilst it is possible that some damage has been done with whatever drugs you have taken, I can tell you one thing that may help: the more you think about feeling disconnected, the more you try and isolate that feeling in an attempt to understand it, the more the feeling itself will consume you. And vice versa, simply doing things in order to try and feel more connected will end up having completely the opposite effect because you are still focusing on the fact that you feel disconnected to begin with. So, try a bit of positive affirmation instead. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that everything is okay, that you're fine, that there's no need to worry, and that you feel okay. This is about the only thing that ever works for me when I start feeling paranoid or unsure. And have some trust. Trust in your higher self, that it knows what's best for you, and what you need to experience at this point in your life. It isn't always easy having that trust, in fact it can be really damned hard, but in times like these you do the best you can.

Jason.

Just in case you rarely check the email address you have listed here I have sent you an email.

Oh! We interrupt this post to bring a message that I "received" from my intuition/subconscious while I was writing this: The feeling of leaving this reality, while on that drug and during the flashbacks, was ego loss. You fought it because ego loss produces the illusion of death. This is why you felt like you were dying. You fought against it because you feel you have "unfinished business" upon this plane and do not wish to leave it at this time.

This explanation came to me just now like a voice in my head. Weird.

That's very interesting; I wouldn't pass that off lightly.  If it came to you in the form of a "voice," it makes me wonder if there was more involved in the message than just your subconscious.  It might be a more legitimately "psychic" experience.   I also know from my own similar experiences that there are higher powers which can communicate directly with us; though it happens on their terms and in a time and manner of their choosing.   Hard to tell, but well worth paying attention to!

I feel the need first to offer a disclaimer lest I lose you or any reader that's turned off by what I'm about to say because it might come across as being "religious."  In point of fact, it doesn't matter if you're "religious" or not (I'm not at all).   So I just offer this suggestion to you because it does for me, and I'm NOT religious, nor do I hold any "beliefs" as such whatsoever.  That being said, let me move on and address your specific question.

I can tell you what has worked for me, and I am glad to say that what  works does so ONLY in a positive way.  What I do is extremely simple.    When going to sleep, I take about 2-3 minutes first to pray.  What I do is first to specifically address myself to Prime Creator (aka "God" aka the "self-aware Universe," substitute whatever works for you).  The point is to be clear about who I'm talking to, so that some potentially dangerous E.T. or other entity who happens to hear you, doesn't have any reason interpret the rest of the prayer as "permission" to involve itself in my life in any way and thus cause even further problems.    Incidentally for the whole process I do get on my knees, as a sign of submission of my own ego to that infinite force to whom I am speaking.  I don't have any problem with that, since I'm not submitting to any HUMAN institution or doctrines --not to Islam, Chritianity, or any of those fucks ... only to Infinity itself.

That being done, the first thing I always do is ask to get myself in right standing with Creator... and immediately any little thing I may have done wrong lately will pop into my mind ... maybe from my subconscious, maybe from "out there" ... whatever.  The point being is that simply by putting the idea out there is enough to bring in these details.  So, I'll make a note to take care of these things as soon as possible.  It may be as simple as giving somebody back something I borrowed, or calling someone who I have neglected, etc.   

The point of all this "set-up" process is that if you're just another idiot on the street, acting instinctively, always just doing whatever he wants, filling his belly, full of his own thoughts and desires, and not really giving a damn about truth, the spirit or doing what's right, then suddenly asking favors from the Spirit because NOW all of a sudden you need help may not get you too far.   But by trying to get yourself in right standing -- and MEANING IT, with humility and a true and pure intent in your heart -- well, that sets the stage for you to be in a more appropriate position to ask for help.   

Anyway at this point we're maybe a minute into the process.   Now you're ready to ask for the specific help you need.   Keep it broad enough so that you don't artificially limit yourself to the nature of the relief you seek.  In your case, you'd probably want to avoid asking something like "show me the right medication to fix this problem" but rather simply identify what's wrong with you and ask for a solution to present itself to you as quickly as possible.  Once you do something like that, be ready for it when it shows up ... watch for it.   Two days later you might be getting an oil change and an article will catch your eye in a magazine while you're waiting ... or someone may show up that just happens to have an answer.  Be ready and be careful not to too quickly dismiss anything as being "just a coincidence." 

[Edit]  Oh incidentally ... almost forgot.  I do all this VERBALLY, not just thinking it in my head.   I think this is important.  There's something to the act of SPEAKING which carries great power.   That's why the Bible says something to the effect of "in the beginning was the word, and the word was God."   A "word" is something that you SPEAK.   Those who practice witchcraft cast magical spells by SPEAKING WORDS.   Other spiritual practices, many occult rituals, and so on all use the SPOKEN WORD ... for what I would think is probably the same reason.  Putting words out there in in this physical form to the universe may well have some kind of cosmic repercussions, perhaps  altering the zero-point fields / akashic records underlying our reality.  Anyway the WHY is not important, the point is that it seems to make a difference for whatever the reason.

So there you have my personal method, with credit to my teachers.  Hopefully at least some part of what I've said may be of value to you.   Regardless, I wish you all the strength and courage you need to deal with your present situation.  Hang in there!

edited for clarity and content

Compassionate hugs to you

I haven't had quite the type of experience you describe, though I did go through a few months of hallucinatory hell a number of years back and one other experience where I needed reorientation, we'll say.

I personally found that very basic things brought me back to center and cradled me there until I could maintain it without extra means. Those basic things were taking walks and paying attention to the physicality of my activity. Not "thinking thoughts" so much as feeling my body's motion, from toes on up to hair moving in the wind I made with my steps. Doing artwork with hand-held mediums (the tangible, FEEL senses were important to grounding, I found). Singing childhood songs, or songs I like, also tends to help by lifting me to the heart while also preoccupying my mind with lyrics. So singing is one I've used.

There is one particular thought that helped in those times, though I've mentioned it to others and it doesn't seem to have the same impact for them. For me, it was profoundly comforting. It is,

"Before I could think, I breathed".

The idea or what I sensed from this statement is that I was completely supported in my life before I had the brainpower to screw it up... or *think* of a solution to a dilemma. *I* exist/ed before the mind that hallucinates. Before I lived in my head, my body lived. Before I took charge in any way, and before I even understood my parents or others... I was utterly supported in the essence of my Being with breath and heart beats.

To me, that means I can't possibly screw anything up so much, or get lost in Creation so deeply, that "that which gives me breath" would not be able to support me through it or find ME, even if I couldn't find it. Anyway, perhaps you can find some comfort in that, too.

Another calming influence, believe it or not, was/is coffee. I find it to be one of the most efficient "grounding mechanisms" I've encountered. I once (early teens) mixed rum and cokes with some type of marijuana (laced) - too much of each - and ended up in one of those coma-like states where you can hear everything but can't move anything of your own accord, and others think you're dead. I was carried out of a concert in this state, unable to speak though I mentally screamed the whole time, while hearing a guard say I must have OD'd and the morgue is uptown. It was scary.

So anyway a companion got coffee and literally poured some down my throat and I immediately was wide awake, back in my body (yes, I felt like I'd left it a bit, floating above it, sort of), and coherent. Just coffee. One swig and WHAM! I'm right back in my "rightful place"... like that.

Even now I often use it if I'm feeling "spacey", even though I no longer do drugs or alcohol. Sometimes the "Energies" and solar flare activity cause a spaciness or dizziness, so I have coffee. It still works for me.

Blessings to you. Be well. (((Hugs)))
Sowelu

Easier said than done, right?   It often is.  But, even if your body is sick, you can enjoy your mind.  If the mind is sick, you can enjoy your spirit.  If your spirit is sick, you can enjoy your soul.  ...The soul doesn't grow sick.  It can be covered, but the Godspark in you can't hurt.  If you can remember that level of yourself, shift into it, you can enjoy it and sort yourself out from there.

There is a quiet, candlelit temple inside of each of us.   

The trick is remembering it is there.  My suggestion is buying yourself a ring or a piece of jewelry, or heck, even tying a little red string around your finger as a reminder of the inner fire.  Train yourself to shift into that place whenever you put on or notice that piece of jewelry during the day and from that place choose your mood--choose peace, certainty and an unconditional positive regard for yourself.  Then, eventually, wean yourself off of the reminder.   

The only way to leave the dark night is to light a light yourself.  Others might do it for you once or twice in your life, but it's your responsibility.  And you're very capable of it.  There is a sun inside you.

I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. I've had some scary times in the past due to mushroom use, but eventually I got over it. I don't know if I've got some good advice like the people above, but for me, the harmonies of the Beach Boys helped me. It made me feel loved and more grounded. The album 'Friends' from 1968 is known for its friendly and relaxing atmosphere and helps to calm down. Of course, musical tastes can differ so much that this music won't work for you. But for me it did, and still does.
What helped me also, is work. It helped (and forced) me to keep my mind focused on something else than my own mind. At that time, I kept myself preoccupied with my study research from 9.00 AM until 6 PM six days a week, and the working atmosphere was nice, with friendly people of the same age around me. What also helps, is to be in the company of good friends, and generally people you feel at ease, secure and safe with.

I sincerely hope that you will find the help you need, Seeker, and that you will heal totally. I think you can, perhaps 'with a little help from your friends'.

If your serotonin levels are depleted, 5-HTP may help.  It's supposed to be a mood inhancer, promotes balanced levels of serotonin, and helps control appitite.  You can find this at a vitamin store, or (heaven forbid)-walmart (wally world). 

Do you have a pet?  Having a kitty to love and give pet-pets to helps  a lot when things are getting me down.  They seem to be one of the greatest healers at times.

I'm really sorry to hear about your problems. From my research dissociates are some of the most dangerous types of hallucinogens to be taking and quite often cause problems for longterm users.

I'm not sure what's best to advise, having never been in your situation. However I would advise you to get proper help and not just hope that one day soon you'll wake up feeling fine and the problems will be over.

If I was in your situation I would post something similar to what you've just told us in Daniel Pinchbeck's Breaking Open the Head forum at http://www.breakingopenthehead.com/cgi- … matebb.cgi

I'm not a participant there, but it's a cool and very friendly discussion forum that I read most days.

Most of the participants there are extremely knowledgable about using various hallucinogenic substances, and sadly the forum has just been hit quite hard by the recent suicide of a regular poster who went under the name of Halfglass. He too was a regular user of a dissociate substance (DXM). You might want to read the 'Halfglass is dead' topic here: http://www.breakingopenthehead.com/cgi- … forum;f=12

I don't say any of this this to scare you or anything, just to emphasise why you really should get help, particularly if you feel like you're heading for a psychotic break.

Anyway I think you'll get some good support there, or at least some good advice on the best thing for you to do right now. As I said, everyone's friendly and the last thing anyone wants is to see someone else doing what Halfglass did.

I hope that helps in some way.

Andy

I took flower remedies finding the Australian ones Bush Fuchsia and Angelsword to be really helpfull, they are remedies for psycic shock, to rid the aura of entities and strengthen it, perhaps my belief in them did the trick.  Rescue Remedy is also very good for panick attacks and anxiety
I also made a homeopathic remedy of the halucinagenics on a remedy making machine on a like cures like basis.

You can and will heal if you allow it to happen, try and live in NOW the past is gone, eat good food pure water and get exercise.
Consider yoga, tai chi or something like that.

I feel as if you are going through the dark night of the soul at present but you will make a full recovery, fill the void the drugs have left with the light being you are.

LOVE
BD