cool treehugger. i love it that u r on empath. we need more of them. yes, the neatest stuff in everyday life. i still dont know if those purple swirls that day, when they were the strongest and the best had anything to do with that environment, or if doing it right. did i know these ppl from before and were here again, doing a ritual with max? i always wonder about those things. try to put stuff together all the time, like u, trying to see if its gonna be an awe inspiring thing, when everyday life is a mind blower half the time. since were seeing it from a very novel, imaginary POV. all in the perception of the seer. the ecstasy is needed. theres alot on that lately. dont really need meditation to do that or cause those moments. having an imagination that is FULL of wonder, metaphysical thinking, mental ecstasy all the time. adding 2 +2, into long trigonometry type equations, trying to remember, formulate, ask questions of it all, and KNOW. always from a spiritual POV. thats why the BE and ARE. i truly believe we dont have to go into any particular state, just as u implied/said. i think were in them all the time. all the time. walking around as who we are, and were "there" in that state of awe and wonder all the while. i say in and out, and around with, i guess ill call it, psi, ALL THE TIME. we just do it naturally. our minds are so athletic, arent they? i love that. going all over the place mentally, psychically, feeling things out, quite expansive. and i read long ago that empaths can get real fat, as they expand, (and remember the buddha belly), and that they dont like the idea of leaving here, get broader and broader and dig in, so they weigh down, and are anchored here. makes them stay here. it HOLDS them down, here, on purpose. maybe the body itself knows why, and understands the plan, unbeknownst to headquarters. some things r hidden from the self even, arent they? theres the WORK, right there. staying here to gain more and help ppl, ourselves. could be. i always say i want out, but am i really going? maybe it all doesnt go anywhere or it comes here, im wondering all the time on it. what the hell to do, other than wait learn. dont worry, all will reveal. have to believe that, somehow.
so maybe, lala.. i think she was using that against me, to get a reaction from me. get me stirred up. u know--shitty woman to woman comments. out of the blue. im thinking--good one babe, u went right there. didnt u? ur brave to do that. she said, if u let go, u will lose that weight, it will come off. let go of what? i knew she was implying alot. looked like surrender to the ways that are. what ways? id done that before, id been thin, let go of alot. but what she didnt know, is that im not on that anymore, gave THAT UP. and here she was dragging it back in. have moved on from that energy. i have my mate, im retired from that kind of competition, and im happy the way i am. she sensed that id struggled with that, she was right, but thats dead and and she knew it, but was digging it up for a reaction. but cant touch that, not anymore. behind that, was im sure ur angry, and u shouldnt be, or in that vein, so just surrender. women should be....no room for anger. oh man, the feelers went up. took years to get 'here'. im sure she didnt approve, u know whatever image it is, speaks volumes, so to undermine was her ploy, didnt work. whats in my mind matters most. how i treat ppl. how i behave. how i LIVE. she had alot of pain in her life, and was thin as hell. straighter than an arrow too. her husband was ripping her off, and she took me aside all the time, and asked me what to do with him. lots of weirdness there. very cultural and im not touching that. so lesson there--not even big guru power channeler chicks, have it together. LM , lala, and others have seen that many times. that showed me too, not as advanced as i had thot, so start steering clear. i thot, u could use some of my "anger' babe, and kick the crap of out of ur husband embezzler. but u wont, and ur needing mine, and im not going to get in ur battle. so we both thot similar of each other, ill say that.
sure i was looking a fool with caressing max. what do u do with a crystal skull thats thousands of years old, and everybody's watching YOU? that part threw me way off along with the group meditation, and i was trying to do it 'right' . i know i cannot do group meditations. thats all they ever did there. that was not working. sad tho, never learned a thing from max. disappointing. i felt pressure, like i had to perform. i knew they were going to be watching me, whats this weird character woman going to do? and after i had given them privacy and didnt stare them down when they had him. i didnt want to read their minds when they had him, not fair, polite, nor correct. maybe they were asking very personal things and i shouldnt be in there. looking. i knew when he came to me, that theyd all watch. it bothered me. and it was a chance of a lifetime, i thot, to be with him, or at least having the opportunity. froze up, fell back on what i knew, came naturally, albeit idiculous. and i never got a thing out of him, not a drop of info. he just felt happy, and i looked stupid. i sensed, well, u are what u are, i guess. i think lots of roles from the past, present, and future come together or display themselves frequently when under pressure, stress. if i couldve had him to myself, i wouldve tried to honor him more, be polite and serious, courteous. courtesan? that training came in handy. thats what im saying, everything for its reasons, has meaning. can be used. to understand, improve, gain insight. but didnt want any invasion of any sort, from him so maybe good it was group. one never knows what can be in a crustal skull. but he had good vibes. and swirlies were there. wouldve scared the crap out of me otherwise. what if he spoke or something? ida had a fit. so i took control of the situation, and miised out i think. but i felt cornered sorta. i think i was triggered there that day. but in a good way. the ppl that were there, knew their stuff and attended a sunday nite metaphysical group, and all knew each other. were involved in a big group that i cant remember was titled, but that one old astronaut had started it. cant think of it right now, but they werent novices by any means. yet, i felt i was being judged. so i threw them a loop i was already caught up in. didnt know what else to do. wouldve totally preferred it difft but oh well. i think they were deciding if i should be in their group. and i like to stay separate in things like that. not sure i want to be in any group of anything, really. stay independent, dont do well in groups. this is the only one im in i could say, and thats because we work on things, have comraderie, have goals, thots, plans, that are infinitely important. i learn here everyday, grow, get stronger in the 'ways'. it makes me better, builds on the foundation. on max, tho, i will admit i looked on him as a 'god'--anything that old, and? that full of? info? history? power? im seeing just how deep this rabbit hole goes, on gods, thinking, looking up.
that whole place is very 'groupy' yet a good place. sense lots of power there, possibility. depends whos doing what there. but couldnt find my niche with anybody. the ex-tibetan was way powerful and had a big group sponsored out of there. big business for her, made a lot of money, from her house on some nites. after finding ppl there. she also was quite religious in the traditional old sense of it, and wore a giant silver cross, everyday. see it as crat-like. they were possibly guiding her, but being very loyal to the 'cause', she wouldnt have seen that. lots of stuff on give up, surrender to the lord and all that, very insidious, tho amidst a lot of other great stuff. but i only saw that a few months ago, when i went over those notes. felt it then, but didnt know the facts. i took what was good only. and she said "warring guide" war guide, and had no clue on it, neither did i. but damn, it fit with the studying i had done, the family history, the whole thing. and then a guy from the up the street whos' into some neat stuff saw one in the kitchen, and described it, again, and i was floored. destiny? u are ur destiny the C's say. and i read yesterday that the intent is the outcome, so must ponder that. thats huge. and i think what a huge ego and a huge imagination. but in my mind. what else is there to do, but get into this stuff. tv? laundry? cleaning? on the hunt for love? nah, killing time and having fun, and learning.
i met her after max. at the same place. tried to go to other classes there too, but didnt work out. didnt like the leaders of the groups, couldnt find a real mentor, so i decided to mentor myself. sounds dumb. but i did learn new things. a few. i have to admit, i was looking for training there, but gave up. there's no doubt about it, she wouldve been very displeased to see me with max, prob insisted i repent or something, and clear out the 'dark side' of myself. but i see that totally opposite. not ashamed of pastlife influences. they all add up. i apparently needed them, they taught me many many things, prob saved me more than once, and fed me too. damn earthlife. have to eat, bathe, be human. thats tough on a soul. playing along. for reasons beyond tho, so we trek on.
and i was thinking the other nite, esp after SiriArc's jonathon zap stuff (and he calls himself a mutant), and the parasite gig, and all the donnie darko stuff, over my head but trying to get it. but how about this?! WE ARE THE POSSIBLE parasites to the crats. what IF we, with our ways of thinking, our PSI, invade them with light, new human beingness, and we are innately parasitic to them the host, and when they run into us, we INVADE from another angle. if we got into them, theyd be ill, theyd lose powers. were the new infection, a new dis-EASE that throws them off. thats why maybe were the problem, to them. they just cant get us swayed over, so we are the natural selection that can ruin them, and ruin their status quo in heaven. the new human, and has any group of humans ever worked so much on self, recapitulation, and more? maybe only the secret mystery school members, and do u think u dont know about that? aha. here we go again. improved version of that even. possible, seemingly highly probable, thot that has some merit. and didnt have to go INTO a meditation for that. i entirely see what u mean treehugger, entirely.
i also think, that the reason why sheeple arent aware, is because theyre not willing to look at where they came from, recognize who theyve been. recap, recon, accept, ponder, weave it. afraid to look at their "dark sides"...afraid to LOOK. how can u be afraid to look at urself? yes, it is painful, it is difficult, it does hurt, but mainly, its wonderful. it helps a great deal, but as we all know, the church took out reincarnation. out of the mainstream. how can one deny what they were? are? i dont get that. and then the big big push to deny or rid of the ego. the ego has been part and parcel of that. many egos, many levels of dealing with many, growing them, reducing them in size. big deal. maybe freud was wrong, or mislead. i dont buy it. i think its a theocratic ploy. makes one less than. and thats their plan, Ego (spirituality), a "sense of doership" or sense of individual existence. Ego is a Latin word meaning "I" so what about I AM THAT I AM. dammit that makes me mad. i say empower it, be u the "I". then one could tear that to pieces i guess, label one as arrogant, as above it all, aggressive, all the negatives. what a huge ego. so what? maybe huge egos have earned that, and if there are holes there, or ways to improve from that being revealed, then that can be used too. to see where there are areas that could be worked on, if it means less growth, or hurting others, even if inadvertently, one can learn from that. change it. work it. i can see why a god wouldnt like a huge ego. competition?
RIDDING self of 'pieces' of self isnt going to work. its not practical. one can meld self parts in, out, deal with them, not exorcize them. attachments r a difft thing, and more on the parasite side. theyre not self, anyway, they glombed on, so their ride can be dis-attached. theyre something else's ego that really liked yours. and is along for the ride. and if ur manipulating ppl for bad reasons, then a problem. what about the ego as a storehouse of self. its necessary. not trying to BE a god, damn. thats where all the trouble is, in a hierarchy of levels that manipulate, USE it for dominion reasons. that whole system, and we cant deny that. that whole IM BETTER THAN YOU thing, or UR WORSE OR BELOW ME thing. thats the set-up of the whole plan/ PLAN-et thing. the whole problem stems from that. back to gods, levels of domination, and slaves, and less or more than's, again. i try to understand, and stay neutral on the concept. its true that some beings just know more, are more, but that doesnt mean anything other than they grew themselves, to be there. they worked it. its whats done with it that matters most, IMO. but all have the potential, can go either way. i say unlock it. thats neutral. there is no less than. and thats why if one can get into that line of thinking, and believing, then theres no way to stop growing, and being, and it can be positive, grand, things would just get better and better, all from within. use it to service others, use that knowingness to be a better YOU. unbelievable potential. empowering possibilities. i read yesterday, that kyle said "ALL GODS ARE IMPOSTERS"..... and gary bonnell said the intent is the outcome.
GNOTHI SEAUTON "Know Thyself!"