Re: how can i be sure that i am not a portal or an agent?
You might think that worldly people know "exactly what's going on in their reality" because their reality is so mundane. But no matter how hard they try to box reality into familiar, secure parameters they also are filled with interior doubts, fears and insecurities. No matter what most people attain of worldly value, something is missing and they know it. So don't be so sure that the self assurance of others is solid or superior to you in any way. It is often wafer thin. If you discover your own center you may even see the 'self assurance' of others breakdown in amusing ways. It leaks through and can't be easily hidden from a keen eye. God knows our own breaks down often enough. Our job is to heal those fractures from within our spiritual center rather than cover everything up with materialistic bandaids as most people do. There's always a new layer of ego to see through and the universe knows how to present it to our conscious awareness. A sense of humour will help to navigate a way through ourselves and others.
There are also times when we feel off balance or too shocked by our own wounds to believe we could ever succeed spiritually. But whatever your spiritual stature is now, keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on. Assume you have a higher self. I found a good approach is talking to your higher self and being willing to see what your HS would show you in yourself and in signs and symols around you. Maybe you already have your own way to the HS. Don't give up till you see the whites of His eyes. And don't shoot.
I like this post neXus!
We are vulnerable and insecure creatures in the flesh. Those with the perfect outer image want to convince themselves that they are stronger via illusion. This is far from their reality. As a handyman I can see the other side of people(the shadow) easier than when they anticipate me as a fine craftsman. I let others see me as they would from their own ideals and expectations. I try NOT to sell an image, although, this is exactly what I do unconsciously. I attempt to listen to their needs so I can serve them best; in return I get income and freedom. Most of the image oriented people I have worked for want security and self-love; the best way to give them what they need is to listen to them and allow them to feel that you desire what they have. In reality I do not want what they have. What they hire me to do is separate from what they unconsciously need. It took me years to learn that my freedom and self respect was foreign to them; a rare few hinted to me over the years how rich they thought I was, but I too, was caught up in the pretense that personal success has exterior indicators. I thought that successful people had reached their level of status and financial well-being because they had established themselves in a secure and rewarding system designed to propagate the values for which they appeared to preach: honesty; integrity; effort; optimism; justice; merit; education; loyalty; vision; appreciation. I accepted my vulnerabilities, insecurities, and imperfections, and saw them as personal strengths; these people feared facing their own, for in their world I later found, these traits are looked at as weaknesses. Their outward strengths are illusions built on the forces which deny their own humanity. I would not want to succeed in their world; I would NOT want what they have become, although I can accept that they would not want what I have become, either. My goals were to become a loving father, husband, friend, and a serving worker. I have succeeded without having to be someone important to the culture beyond that. I will die in financial poverty, but this does not dissuade me from remaining on a simple path, for in the US we are all rich relative to the least of us worldwide. I cannot expect to be rewarded by those who would reject what values I stand for. These values define us relative to the context for which we maintain an identity. In then end, I suppose, love is the final quality.
I thank those who hinted to me that I was a success, for they were honest with themselves and with me. Not everyone who wears the facade of security and confidence is of the same cloth: some do; some don't; some will; some won't. I am comforted to know that I can be a handyman or fine craftsman in this world and neither causes me to support a system that robs me of my humanity; for those who reject me, or decline to be honest with me, cannot destroy my spirit-- I simply serve them for different reasons than those who would choose authenticity and love over security and self-importance. The beauty of the path I find myself on is that I can succeed with my values and yet serve those who live within a system that rejects them systematically. We all eat cake!
To know love is to know trust; to know oneself is to know truth