From the Mush Into the Butterfly
Can you give me some insight? I'm feeling discouraged, depressed, and very detached from everything. Why?
ost of you are feeling new things you've never felt before, so you're having to find an old label for a new thing that your brain is getting tired of trying to figure out. The brain says, “I can't compartmentalize this. I don't know where it goes. I don't know what it is; where can I shove it?” So it will take it and shove it into the old emotions.
Feel what you're calling your discontent. Go into it, don't be afraid of it. Amplify it. What is there? What are its components?
I don't know how to define physicality any more.
You can't define physicality any more, but do you know what that means? Isn't that what all of you have been trying to do, or at least say you're trying to do? You're all trying to move past the physical attitude while you're in the flesh. This is the insanity that ensues with it. Go into it some more.
It feels like there is no anchor in physicality and yet there is no way out and that I'm stuck, with no movement in a place that I don't like.
Okay, keep going into it. Take any one facet of those. Are you stuck? Or have you finally touched your freedom and you're scared to walk in your freedom? Follow the part that is scared. The one that says, “I'm stuck right here.” Find it.
I don't know where to go. Everything I see in physicality is not interesting, there is no focus for me here . . .
Um hum. Okay. What else?
I have no idea where my passion is.
Most on this plane don't ever have the faintest idea what passion is. Most of you, what you call passion is repressed anger that you've repressed so far that you can't let it out and say (angrily) “This is my passion!”
Your passion probably doesn't lie in the earth plane. Go in there and find out where your passion lies. Take the part that feels stuck. The part that says, “I'm stuck in this god forsaken place that I hate”. . . say that real loud inside and feel what comes up with it.
That is not good for discontent!
Part of me wants to laugh!
That's what I want you to follow. Go into the part that wants to laugh—this will get you out of your game. Follow the laughter. Your entities aren't stuck any place. They are too unlimited. Go into the part that wants to laugh about it. Ask it if it is stuck.
It's telling me I'm free and I don't know it!
So your discontent is that you finally achieved the freedom you said you wanted your whole entire life, but now that you have it, you don't know what to do with it. So now what are you going to do with it? Ask the part that was laughing—that seems to be the part that knows what is going on. Find the part that is laughing. Whine at it and I want you to be melodramatic! Whine and cry your poor woes to the side of you that is laughing! Get into the “Woe is me. I'm so stuck. I'm so stuck. I don't know where I'm going to go.”
Try each of these on the part of you that is laughing. See the response. See if it laughs harder! Now take the, “I don't know where I'm going to go,” and see what its emotional reaction is. Now take, “I'm bored half to death.” What is its reaction?
Ask it to give you a feeling about your life. Let it just feel because it is not going to give you the direction in verbiage. Ask it to feel if it knows where it is going to take you. Ask it if it can let you feel the passion that it has for your life—which you think you don't like. What is it giving you?
The message is I have a grand life, but then there is another part of it that's just total confusion.
You're going to have confusion at first, if other people aren't running your lives! This is contradictory to what everybody thinks it's going to be. The stability for most of you comes when other people tell you how to be, what to do and how to act—that's what you call stability! The minute you break the circuitry and you have nobody sitting and telling you how to be, what to do, how to act—you feel chaotic. All of a sudden those ends of your circuitry that were attached to other people are frayed wires which don't know where to connect and stabilize.
I've always told you these two things. First, none of you like peace—and yet you have always said you want peace—but you'll hate it because it's boring. Second, you're going to hate your freedom. You could have freedom any minute you're willing to have it, but the psyche has to shift in order for you to have freedom. If it maintains a rigid definition of “Here is who I am, and here is what I do,” you'll never have freedom. As soon as it loosens its bounds on that, you feel chaotic and psychotic. The only thing that is wrong with you at that point is that you're in your freedom.
But is there a part of me that is ahead of my psyche?
Yes, otherwise you wouldn't find the part laughing at you! The part of you that is laughing is the part of you that already went ahead of you, made the road map and it sees the road clear and exactly where you're going to go, and so you are its hindsight. You know how you all laugh at hindsight? That is your future self—you're its hindsight and it is laughing at it!
There will be a day in another reality, after you leave this place, when all of you will sit around some big huge table, drinking your coffee or whatever you do Zenden's great Bar in the Sky and you'll sit and laugh about these adventures that you were so uptight about!
Will I still be here! . . . there's a part of me that wants to walk away from all of this.
From the planet, from everything?
I know, but why? Many of you say, “I can push myself, I want to take advantage of all the energies coming in, I'll take it as far as I can go,” Then you end up where you are. That is your psyche cracking. You all have been through it before. You touched home. You finally touched you. You're so close that you touched it, but you can't find the doorknob because your nose is stuck on the door!
When it comes right down to it, a lot of you say, “Why in the hell am I here? Who put me here? I feel like I'm in a prison camp.” But there is another part of you that also knows you are intelligent. You wouldn't have done this journey if there wasn't a reason—or least you hope you're intelligent!
ou are touching your freedom. Freedom is the most frightening of all things. The only fear you will ever legitimately find is the fear of your own freedom because you're on an edge that asks, “Where are you going to go?” It says, “The whole universe is yours. Make a direction.” Then you sit here and say, “Okay, but these forty, fifty people that are telling me what to do. They're not telling me what to do right now so I don't know where to go!”
Take the void that you are feeling, the complacency or whatever you want to call it. Jump into it. Just take it right now and jump. Say, okay, I'm leaving. Do it right now. You're a god—you can do it. Build your intensities. I want you to get to the serious part—this will be fun for you. Get to the part of you that is so sick and tired of being on this stupid planet, with these stupid limitations. Take all of that frustration and say to yourself, “Okay, I'm a god. Right now where I sit, I'm going to end it.”
Do it with seriousness, and you'll have an experience with this, I promise. In this moment right now, call every force in your being. Say to yourself, “Right now where I sit, I don't have to go through a death process, I don't have to go through an ascension process, I can end it right now.” Pull all of your forces up, your frustration, your irritation at not liking where you are. Build them up and command your universe, right now, to get you the hell out of this place and do it with determination like you mean what you say. Don't question it. If you don't feel right about doing it, then don't do it—but don't question it. Don't go in there and say, “Well, am I doing this strong enough or not?” Go in there and use every ounce and every force of ummph you can come up with. Command you to get out of this place— now! Take it and explode your energy into it. The energy in your being, in your heart, explode it into that. Use your whole entire force. Use every energy you can get up right now to get you out of this. End it.
Now let your energy flow to your base seal and float up to the crown of your head and go with it. Drop the body. Let the next wave of energy come in behind it. Now command your psyche to be able to interpret the next wave of energy. Balance down.
Now feel where you're. Now feel you. What's going on inside there? Where is your vibration now? Let yourself see if you're through with your temper-tantrum and if a gentleness hasn't come over you.
See, whenever you're wanting to end something and get out of it, that tells you that there is something in your psyche that needs to be thrown out. That's the easiest way to look at. Your psyche is not going to sit there and scream and cry and nag and create discontent unless it is trying to motivate you into doing something.
When you get into that state, you wouldn't necessarily say you were suicidal, but you could be because you want out bad enough—but you're not going to really do it. So if you want, use the metaphor that, “Hey, I'm sitting here right now and I'm killing this, I'm causing death, I'm severing it,” and see if you're really that determined or not. Pull up every ounce and every bit of energy you have to end it. Feel yourself going into your brain and breaking the cord. Go back into it right now for a moment. Pull up your power, if you really want out. You have to go with a determination that you're going to actually sever your existence with physicality. On the other side, that's not really what is going to happen. You can rest easy with that, but you have to have the determination. Go into your brain. Your brain will show you where it is. There is a place in there. Just go in and break the cord. Go in. Find the cord. Break it, knowing that when you break it, death occurs. Break it. Break it. Did you break it?
I chopped the hell out of it!
Okay, now feel where you are. On one side you're going to be emotionally fatigued from what you just went through so that is not the feeling I'm looking for. Go beyond the emotional fatigue from what you just went through and feel where you and your body are now. What you effectively did is you told your brain to isolate the area of your brain that was your irritation. You told it to go into the part in your neuron system that was causing the problem and cut it off.You went in and chopped off your confusion. You actually severed the neuron that was causing it to fire. Now how is your body feeling—except for the emotional fatigue?
More of a gentle peacefulness there. But there is still an intensity in my solar-plexus to get out.
Then go in and use every ounce of that frustration. It wouldn't be there if you weren't going to use it. So rather than letting it keep nagging and irritating you for days, use it. Build it up and amplify it, exaggerate it as much as you can. If you can take it and pull the power in there, you can actually blow a hole right through your brain and into another reality. When I say blow a hole in your brain you'll think, “Whoa, that sounds dangerous!” These are just microscopic holes, but it actually will break through the membrane in such a way that you'll touch what you're crying to reach. So use it. Use it and bring it up in a force so powerful that you bring it up and you can explode it. Your determination is that you want out so bad that you're going to sit there and you're going to mediate death to your life.
You have to be passionately intent with it if you have that much frustration. You're going to go in there, you're going to cut it, and you're going to have to take about two days off work when you do it because you will not be in a state fit to do much of anything. From that, your psyche will begin to repair and heal. After about a forty-eight to fifty-six hour period you're going to start coming up with a whole new look on life. If you go into those feelings as I have described, on the other side you'll find out that you're not really wanting out of here.
ll of you here are strangers in a strange land, and that is the bottom line. This is not home to you. You weren't created for this reality. You weren't meant for this reality and these bodies are about as foreign as you can get to you. That is also part of the joy why you came into them because it was a novelty. This is probably one of the most limiting forms any of you have ever been in. You could say that most of you eons ago evolved past this limitation and now this is almost like creating paralysis to you. It would be as if you've used your body your whole life and all of sudden something happens and you're paralyzed from the neck down. That is how you all feel in these bodies. There is a part of you that knows your power and your ability and it creates a frustration to be limited in this form.
So you're going to pull that energy and that power up and everyone of you will have to use it at least once in your life. Some of you have already used it. Some of you will use it multiple times. To some people this is when they get into their big intensity, they hate god, they're going to kill god—you've heard them all. Everybody is different with it.
Your identities are made up of a whole lot of layers, just for simplicity sake. Those make a cocoon over the Self that you're creating. You're the butterfly trying to come out of your own chrysalis. Most of you can see the beautiful butterfly floating. You can see the chick that has become the chicken, but you never think about what it took them to get out of the cramped space of the shell or the cocoon.
You know how tender the wings are on the butterfly, but do you know what a butterfly goes through in the process of changing from a caterpillar to a butterfly? Most of you say, well it makes a cocoon and comes out a butterfly. If you want to break it down, the caterpillar makes a cocoon and turns to mush. It doesn't just change from being a caterpillar. It actually creates an acid that totally destroys it, and if you were to break it open at that point, it is not a caterpillar. It's a green mush. There is no resemblance of any life form at all. It actually totally dissolves itself so that it can reconstruct itself.
Most of you have seen the size of a cocoon that your butterfly emerges from. You have a butterfly that emerges from a cocoon a third its size. That is cramped—totally cramped. What do you think the butterfly is going to go through in a feeling sense to break through that cocoon? Cocoons are not indestructible, but they are hard enough. If you put a fair amount of force on it and can't break it, what is the butterfly inside of it going through to get out of it, with its tender wings and legs?
Right now you're in a mush stage and the chrysalis stage. You are in the process of the mush and you want to break out of the cocoon at the same time. Technically you can because time is simultaneous. So you're sensing a part of you, right now in the body, is in the mush stage of the caterpillar, but there is a part of you that is in the chrysalis stage with the wings that are trying to beat against and make a hole in the cocoon to get out. You're also sensing the butterfly knows how to fly, because you've breached your second brain. And so, you're seeing you to be all these at once.
So which stage is going to be preferable to you? If you were living these all at once and you are in the physical body going through the mush, you're obviously going to prefer . . .
The advanced stage.
Yes, and that is where the temper-tantrum is coming from. So instead of just staying in the mush, if you can use your determination whenever you get frustrated. It can be one of the most powerful tools you can use. Just don't be afraid of it and use it. Pull it up, use it and let that begin to crack the edge of your cocoon so you can emerge, so that you can do it quickly and simultaneously. You're actually going to take your intensities, get as mad as you can, as frustrated as you can, and punch a hole so that you can at least view the finished product. If you are here in the mush and you can view the finished product, it gives you stability. It gives you a sense of, “Okay, its worth going through this, if that is how I'm going to look.”
How many of you think a caterpillar knows what is happening to it? It's a molecular thing that happens. How do you think the caterpillar feels when its body secretes an acid that turns it to mush, and it is conscious through the whole process? How does the caterpillar feel? Emotionally, psychologically, what is that caterpillar going through as it sits and is consciously aware of its body going into mush for the transformation, and it doesn't know what transformation is? This is the only time it has been through it so it has no idea what is going on. It is molecular. It doesn't know what it is going to be. It doesn't recognize that its even going to become a butterfly. What would it be going through?
Confusion, frustration, fear . . .
Everything you said you are going through. When it is in the process of doing that, what do you think the caterpillar wants to do?
It wants out of there!
It is in the cocoon of its own making. That cocoon of its own making is for protection to hold it together during its transformation.