Re: How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?
Anyone Can Be A Mapmaker.
Only Mapmakers
Choose
To Be Mapmakers -Lazaris-
Also, Note:
Heretic
http://forum.noblerealms.org/viewtopic.php?id=3257 #6 And #7 (13)
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Noble Realms → General Discussion → How do you deal with opinions of friends and family?
Anyone Can Be A Mapmaker.
Only Mapmakers
Choose
To Be Mapmakers -Lazaris-
Also, Note:
Heretic
http://forum.noblerealms.org/viewtopic.php?id=3257 #6 And #7 (13)
Thanks for the replies so far everyone - the stories and situations are really inspiring!
Seeking the Truth, after reading about your situation, I wonder how you deal with events concerning your children. I would imagine that you being open-minded and aware means you have a very different view on what is best for your children - compared to the view of your husband?
I find this with my daughter. I am lucky that my wife is also open-minded so we tend to have the same view on things.
However it is a different matter when we visit my parents. They constantly criticize, judge and comment on what we are and are not doing. But they do so in a passive-confrontational manner. You probably know the sort; they make a confrontational situation, but then claim innocence if it is seen or felt as an attack!
On the other hand if I try and explain why we are doing things in a certain way - they miss the point and then try and explain things to my wife and I like we are children. To take one example from many, is their reaction to how we feed our daughter; she has all organic veg. and meat no processed junk - we give her water rather than juice - and she has very little to nothing that contains refined sugar. Yet every time we visit my parents we get the third degree as to why we feed her in this manner. "I just don't understand why you won't give her biscuits!" my mum regularly says.
But aside from the comments it is the disapproving looks. She holds her tongue all the time – but does so in an obvious manner. Sometimes going as far as to make a dig – and then following it up with: “Oh, I am not going to say anything about that!"
Now at the end of the day it is nothing to do with anyone what we do or don't do. But I love my parents and so want to spend time with them. That means I am presented with this situation at least once a week.
I have learnt how to let others "live and let live" now. So I never preach to people, friends or family - and simply let them get on with what they want. This also extends to when they make comments on what I feel and believe - most of the time I just let it slide.
I find it harder though when it comes to children.
I guess what I am saying is that I can deal with other peoples views on what I feel and believe. But I still find it hard when they react in a confrontational manner, more-or-less demanding explanation – but not caring to hear the explanation that is given (as it all goes right over their heads).
LipstickMystic, wow! that is exactly the sort of thing I am getting at. I am not sure how I would deal with that situation. Though I have less of a problem with how “people" react than I do with how friends and family react.
When others - especially those close to you, constantly judge you for how you live it is indeed difficult. As you say, it is persecution.
How do your parents react and deal with your lifestyle? Do they just let you get on with it? My parents would be on at me at every opportunity. Not in direct confrontation - but in a very passive-aggressive manner. It gets infuriating in the end. I love them though - and really I strongly believe that we should try as much as we can to keep our family ties. But sometimes that just isn't possible, and these situations begin to eat away at the love that is there.
So - yeah again in this case it is more about peoples reactions to how we live rather than what we think / believe.
Ayahuasca, yeah for sure, not worrying about what other people think certainly seems to be the right track! As you mentioned it in the “2006" thread, I would like to ask about how others reacted towards you when you went bankrupt. People tend to look down on that sort of thing, and it’s no doubt hard enough to deal with as it is.
So were people ok with it? Did you not really care about their thoughts and reactions? Maybe you simply got left to it and had no one judging or commenting?
Anyway in addition to how you guys deal with others opinions. I would be interested in hearing how you deal with how friends and family react towards your lifestyles. Especially if you put your beliefs into practice.
Hey Marcus,
I have done a few rounds with my parents though, probably not over the same things you have.
For what it's worth.
Basically I put them on the spot and told them the plans that were the best for me and my family (some of which dealt with what they thought they could share into my life each time we visted - even when unasked for) and that entailed them not going to those area's that caused tension/ strife, when we visit we want to enjoy their company not argue. I put down the my expectations, stating I don't comment on area's in their lives that I disagree with or don't like, they should return that respect....if they couldn't then we wouldn't have a need to visit because the tension is unnecessary and sometimes takes days to release it and I didn't want that anymore.
My parents still saw me as their "little boy", now my dad see's me as a man and though we have completely different lifestyles and opinions, we miss each other dearly and look forward to the next visit. My mom still is not happy that she doesn't have the same "control" in my life but is growing into me being separate(after 10 years).
Is it Utopia? No. Do they still bristle at some of the things? Yes. Are they bristling less? Yes. Do we go and enjoy ourselves when we visit? Yep, there is less tension in the air.
Psychic vampires/ energy drainers can come from every direction. You and your family are your responsibility. I am not saying Isolate from everyone because they don't live how you want them to, but if people no matter how close they be can't offer the respect to not harp on your decisions and accept you for you...they are not worth it.
As you mentioned it in the “2006" thread, I would like to ask about how others reacted towards you when you went bankrupt. People tend to look down on that sort of thing, and it’s no doubt hard enough to deal with as it is.
So were people ok with it? Did you not really care about their thoughts and reactions? Maybe you simply got left to it and had no one judging or commenting?
Heh, that was an interesting one. My family were surprisingly ok about it. I can't say they approved but they understood it was the best solution to my problems because I had absolutely nothing to lose by doing it. So there was no friction there.
I was completely ok with it when it finally happened. My only regret was that I didn't do it 6 months earlier.
I think I had just one argument with a friend about it. He was upset, not so much because I went bankrupt, but because I felt absolutely no remorse about it. He was actually quite angry with me because of my devil-may-care attitude about it, and he went so far as calling me immoral. He thought it was completely wrong of me to have gotten into so much debt and not pay it back.
I tried explaining to him about fractional reserve banking and that the money that they're lending doesn't really exist and that the only people who are immoral are the money lenders, which is why I didn't feel any guilt about not paying them back. He didn't really believe me though and in his mind I was the bad guy! That, thankfully, was the only disagreement I ever had about it.
Marcus wrote:
Seeking the Truth, after reading about your situation, I wonder how you deal with events concerning your children. I would imagine that you being open-minded and aware means you have a very different view on what is best for your children - compared to the view of your husband?
Before I 'woke up', I became pregnant with my son. I didn't know anything then, as compared to today; yet I still had this urge to raise him by myself instead of the normal "mommy and daddy works, baby gets raised by daycare" route. So while I was pregnant, I worked out a deal where I would contract work at home. It turned out very well (except for me being totally shut in, I guess). Then when it came time for him to start preschool, that was when I got really sick and things started changing for me. I tried the whole thing, but it was clear he wasn't going to make it thru public school without being branded ADHD. But that's not his label. Energetic? Yes. ADHD? No. However, 2 months into preschool, the teacher had a 'talk' with me concerning his behavior. He was being disruptive, yada yada. Well, the thing was: he had known his alphabet, colors and shapes since he was 2 years old and he is the only child I have at home. He's been able to navigate the kids' websites since he was that old, also. So naturally, he goes to school with all these kids, and what does he want to do? He wants to play with them. They're there teaching these 4 & 5 yr. olds their ABC's and colors, and he knows them already; he was sooooo bored! He doesn't have a learning disability! I knew right then that I had to homeschool him. I took him out after just 2 months. Most people think I'm downright nuts to be doing this!! But man, is he ever smart as a whip. Now they see how well he's doing, so most have backed off about me sending him to public school.
So yeah, we do things differently around here. And as far as my husband is concerned: he is so like an OP (if there is such a thing) in the respect that he goes along with pretty much whatever I say. He has never questioned my decisions about my boy, or my total switch from cheap, toxic food and cleaning products to really expensive, organic, healthy stuff. He goes right along with it all. I am very grateful that even though he's not in the same (mental) realm as I am, at least he's not opposing me. And I don't mean that as in I'm better than him or anything.
I don't feel like I'm one up on the people who don't care to see the other side of reality. It's just that I don't have many physical beings in my life to begin with. And with those few, I do try to open their eyes a little, but I definitely don't force it. I know you can't do that with people. They're either ready or they're not, and some will never be. I try to make the best out of family or friend gatherings. It's just really hard to have small talk. I do force myself, though, out of respect for them. But inside my head, the wheels are turning and it's hard for me to concentrate on what they're saying. I wish it wasn't like that....I don't know how to turn it off and think like a 'normal' person anymore.
I'm sure that the few people in my life do think I'm crazy for the things I do, but you know what? I don't really care anymore. This is my life, my son, our future. If I don't do right by him/us now, when will it get done? When the damage is already there? I don't think so.
I seem very eccentric to most people with my rain barrells, garden, wildlife sanctuary, homemade toiletries, bags and bags full of recyclable stuff, etc., all in the middle of the city. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let them sway my decisions to teach my child in the right way and treat the earth as it were our only real home--which it is.
By now, everyone in my life is used to me carrying around organic juice, filtered water, and healthy snacks when we go visiting. They used to give me the whole "Oh why can't you just let him be a normal kid, eating junk food?" rant, but they've given up because my reasons are valid. He does get junk food; they're just made with organic ingredients... And we do eat restaurant food more than I would like, but that's because my physical health is in such a condition that most of the time I can't get the energy to prepare meals all the time.
Sorry, guys, this turned out to be kind of long.
I am SO grateful to have found this forum. It really is one of the only places I can go to be with like-minded individuals. I have been blessed by finding you all
Its interesting you should ask this. I have one member of my family that is really aware and who I speak with on a regular basis-my aunt. We always share information and websites about alternative theories of viewing the world. Other members of my family were at first very skeptical, my father almost angrily so, when these topics were discussed, but he has come around so much that we can now openly discuss "the agenda" with him and the methods of control seeping daily into our lives.
I find that to be the case in a general sense too. When I first started researching or hearing about alternative theories in 1998, it was fringe and I was ashamed to even entertain those notions in myself. Now I find more and more people are clued in! For example I'm a confessed celebrity message board addict, not for fans, but for people who make fun of them, and sometimes I will post "jokingly?" about how some celebrities look like aliens or seem mind controlled and I've been pleasantly surprised to see that many people agree with me or even float certain comments along those lines themselves! Even the average person can see that our world is changing and bizarre things are taking place. So people are waking up, slowly..
It has taken me a long while to get to this approach but I now see interactions with friends and family as a sort of play. This helps me to remain detached to a certain degree, more tuned to observation than opinion and therefore less likely to fall into the traps of justification or needing acceptance or anger stemming from when certain subjects are discussed, 'they just don't get it'. I remember, perhaps ruefully, that I too 'did not get it' for a long while and woke up, ultimately, at the time that was right for me. As a recovering perfectionist, I take great solace from LM's "shamanic time" approach which certainly takes the pressure off.
What I watch for particularly is when I allow those I care about to shake my own beliefs and understandings - then I know that at the heart of my understandings there is something that doesn't gel, that I haven't thought/intuited through, a disconnect and they have done me the, perhaps maddening (!), service of pointing it out. Or perhaps they have reignited a long-buried piece of programming within me and there is more in that dark room to assess.
I also aim to be aware of the surrounding energies and when the vibes are conspiring to make me (or others) particularly sensitive such as the moon periods discussed here. Then one can see an ambush and take an alternative route, as some have said, including getting up and walking away. I don't care to be anyone's etheric lunch if I can help it.
Finding myself as the appetizer in the past, I have stopped mid-argument and said out loud to myself "Why am I doing this? I don't need to do this any more". Now that does floor the other party, that they do think is weird because arguments don't end like that do they? Well, why not.
I went to a very nice dinner for New Year and found great interest in watching the interplay, the programming and the social conventions. In the past, to my folly, I might have been tempted to engage the most materially-minded to point out a few glaring inconsistencies but now I find more interest in lobbing in a few well-timed holy handgrenade-like comments and see if anyone's consciousness stirs. Even if that is not the case, there and then, it doesn't matter, I have added what I needed to add, take or leave. However, people have resurrected such comments later on or found me for further discussion and one knows one has started the process of waking up, just as it was started for me. Otherwise it's back to watching "the play"!
The bottom line is, if people are interested I tell them what I currently believe. If they're not, who am I to shake their illusions? I do think that people react 'badly' because it stirs some very deep hidden understanding that 'there might be something in this' yet the ego knows that if that were true and acted upon, all hell would break loose in their world as they know it and everything the ego holds dear could be worthless. Ouch.
I have found those that are hanging on the 'tightest' are the most vicious responders or maybe I just bring out the 'best' in them! I concur with LM's feelings of past lives and it could also be possible that those that hang on the 'tightest' were also the most persecuted last time they woke up.
Interesting times indeed.
Sheila.
Great topic! When dealing with "sleeples" I'm always on the lookout for the opportunity to move towards subjects that offer the possibility of discussing some of the things that we discuss here......but I never try to force the issue.
People that I'm close to already know pretty much how I feel about things and they’ve kind of learned where not to go in our conversations so to speak. For example: When someone brings up politics i.e. Democrats vs. Republicans and is very convicted about one side or the other I usually say something along the lines of, "I've no more interest in Democrats vs. Republicans that I do about whether or not Hulk Hogan can kick The Rock's butt. I consider mainstream politics to be as real as Championship Wrestling and I'm not interested in championship wrestling either."
Whenever I’m blunt like that I always do it with a smile on my face. I think that is the key to not being misunderstood.
This way I can avoid disagreements and still leave the door open for further discussion. Sometimes in that situation people will air their frustration with mainstream politics and that opens the door for further discussions.....or if they are really big on politics and completely sucked into the whole illusion that there is a difference between Democrats and Republicans then they quickly realize that they don't really want to discuss that with me either and we move on.
I don't pretend to agree with people when I don't agree....and I'm very straightforward with my beliefs....but I try to phrase things in a way that says....well....maybe you don't want to go there…. without trying convince them to see things my way or sounding rude. I think the real key is that I’m letting them know it’s ok with me for them think anything they want to….I just don’t happen to agree. The implication is we’ll just need to agree to disagree.
Another example: If in conversation someone mentions terrorism or the war in Iraq and it’s obvious that we have completely different viewpoints I'll usually say something along the lines of, "I believe war is wrong. I'm not sure how the same people that get upset about the Ten Commandments being taken out of our schools don't seem to understand that one of those commandments is "Thou shall not kill." That is not a conditional commandment. It is plain and simple. It's not worded in a way as to up for debate. As far as terrorists are concerned I don't believe in the “conspiracy theory” that 19 flight school dropouts armed with box cutters were directed by some bearded boogyman in a cave with a laptop and cell phone who was a CIA asset when fighting the Russians whom Ronald Reagan referred to as a Freedom Fighter could have outsmarted the most sophisticated civil defense system in the world without some inside help. I just don't buy it."
To be blunt and matter of fact about how I feel about something almost always works just fine. By not asking for agreement or approval on anyone’s part they usually change the subject and don't go back to it again.....or sometimes they will understand and we find things that we do agree on. I think it’s important to point out that when I make those types of statements I don’t get at all emotional in my delivery. I just say it calmly in a matter of fact kind way sort of like Spock on Star Trek. Logical.
If that leaves a feeling of tension in the air I’ve always found that a humorous quote from someone like Mark Twain or Will Rodgers that is relevant to the topic can really clear the air and leave everyone with a smile on their face.
To summarize: I can’t change anyone’s thinking but I’m always open to discussing things. Trying to ram what I believe to be truth down someone else’s throat never works.
Some people dismiss me as a nut. That’s ok. Some people respond and we continue dialogue. Some people get it. Some people don’t. That works for me. I’ve found that smiles and kindness go a long ways towards avoiding conflicts.
Cheers!
Winston
When loved ones are primed to more alternative insights, then and only then have I found it worth sharing. You cannot 'wake' someone up. Many here on NR have years of experience and through those discoveries may well have agonized over their journeys. The notion that in a few short discussions that you'll be able to reveal the underbelly of metaphysics/sprituality/nwo is borderline abuse. You've been spoonfed to this point ,all others will have to ultimately seek this out themselves. Love them, it's sufficeint !
Thought I'd bring this thread back up, as it's festival time, meaning many family gatherings and parties with friends in the following days.
Alrighty, I've been contemplating what it really means to care for someone, and the whole love thing too, and it may be a very tough subject to understand, yet is so simple.
You finally become aware that there can be no comfort or companionship that will ever equal your own. No one is ever going to totally get you.
Well said. VERY well said.
So here is my current scenario. i'm living with my mom, and we decided to do the whole 'me paying rent/having a job = being a adult'. Well everything was good until the smell of cannabis came into the equation. Obviously not cool with my mom so the first day of 08' I'm moving out. Now I'm actually very cool with this. Maybe a little confused because the terms 'love and caring' would come out. Then my bro comes over with his wife and son and new son soon to be... then at the moment of their arrival i felt a weird feeling within. i didn't know what it was. So I went into the living room to sit and watch.. then after just sitting there being aware, but realizing that im not really enjoying sitting down, i got up and got a drink of water. Soon after my bro started talking to me about my situation, and it started out like all previous past conversations, and i could feel my energy 'fluxing', so I got up and after he asked "Well what are you going to do?" I said "Go to my room" and I went to my room. We ended up having a longer conversation afterwards in my room and it was actually positive!
So then it was super time, but I couldn't go eat the food my mom had prepared, it just didn't feel right. Why today? Why now? She hasn't cooked for me in a long time, so why now? I have this feeling about things being false, and how I just don't want the false anymore, and choosing something new and different. I really want to respect my mom, the only way i know how right now is to give her space. We don't vibe. What's more interesting is she would say that "we are into the same things". Maybe nothing is the same, cause if we are both quote unquote spiritual, then this obviously wouldn't be happening. This could just be a chemical divorce, and i'm grateful for it.
Is everyone pure hearted in this world? Are people evil, or are there unseen forces acting upon peoples mind? It's very complicated at times. In the end it may be redundant if someone is 'good' or 'bad' as it all comes back to personal choice.
For example, just a few moments ago my bro asked me to go watch a movie. i'm not interested in the movie, and i haven't hung out once with my mom really, since i came back, so i said "no". are we all one? if i sacrificed myself in the process id be hurting another by hurting myself? yet if i think about myself and go with my feelings, even though it may hurt the other... well... this is where i feel that its the proper decision. *sigh* gotta love winter
i do have one really good friend right now, he's teaching me a lot, although he thinks NR's is too 'advanced and deep' so when i talk about the forces of evil, its like they don't exist!
thanks for readin'
N.M.,
I have a feeling that your family loves you. It sounds like they don't really understand the situation and how it relates to your own being and understanding. But you may not even understand, either.
It is sad if your mother isn't as loving of you as she'd like. You're probably right that she needs her space. Charging you rent so that you can become an adult was maybe a way of helping you leave the nest. It's not easy, but sometimes a momma bird's gotta give the little ones a little encouragement.
Try to have a merry holiday!
Mencius
Hey Mencius thank you. Yeah I've been out on my own before.... i don't know, i feel like it's time for me to chemically divorce a few family relationships. Not out of anger or hate, but for self-care. That way no one is worrying about me and i don't have to fall back on the family. Gotta break free! And also realizing that I'm really NOT excited for christmas. Last year I wasn't even excited. Maybe 'cause it's not real! Arg! One thing that I can and will do is have fun during these times.
Oooooo now im all excited for the change! Wooooooohoooooo! 2008!!!!
just have your own! if it's the same as another or not, just have one, but always remember that you may NOT be right.
Dont force yours on anyone else. If someone tries this to you let them know you are alowed to have an opinion of your own BUT, without saying the words "I am allowed my own opinion" they need to figure that out for themselves, obviously. We are our own best teachers. If not, we are sheep and we have enough of those.
I just read back through this thread, and to those of you out there having problems with the opinions of friends & family: I feel your pain; that was my situation in the not too distant past.
belljar wrote:
You finally become aware that there can be no comfort or companionship that will ever equal your own. No one is ever going to totally get you.
I'm glad I came to that realization in my life when I did. Great words of wisdom, imo. (Except now I consider myself extremely lucky to have one person in my life that DOES totally get me, and companionship that does equal my own: in my AWESOME boyfriend ) I've never really cared much for friends' opinions, except for if they concerned my health or well-being, but those so-called "friends" who would continue giving me unwanted opinions, even after telling them to stop, about what I SHOULD or SHOULD NOT believe or what-not, well, I've never put up with that, and always proceed to remove them from my life.
When I was a lot younger, my family used to give me a hard time about my "beliefs" pertaining to religion and spirituality. (I say beliefs, because in their eyes, it was "beliefs", and not IDEAS; I don't have any Set-In-Stone BELIEFS.) Anyway, they finally laid off a couple years ago, thank god, orange cloud (lol, zenden), or whatever! And I'm very, very grateful for this, because I love my family dearly. They are in NO WAY WHATSOEVER perfect, but that's ok, because I sure know I'm not either. (But i'm workin' on it! )
But I did have to recently cut my mom out of my life, which was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm not going into any details about it, but it was something that just HAD to be done. Reading back over some things lyra wrote, either here, or on her website, I realized that no, I'm not a bad person, and that it was a totally justifiable action for my situation with her. And now I realize that all this about my mom had nothing to do with the topic at hand, so I'm sorry about that guys and gals.
~nixie
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