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Noble Realms Forum is now closed. It will remain online as a searchable archive of posts spanning 3/25/04 to 2/22/08. Members may still log in to use email functions, but there will be no further posting activity. Thank you to everyone who has contributed over the years. - Tom/montalk

#1 2006-09-10 07:14:35

montalk
forum-keeper-upper
Registered: 2004-03-25
Website

Knowing who you are (and are not)

From what I have experienced and seen in others, self-questioning and self-doubt can be pretty common and tormenting for seekers on the path. Self-awareness leads to introspection and soul searching, and it's easy to start doubting yourself sometimes with questions like "Am I doing the right thing in life?" or "Am I a good person? What if I only think I am, but instead am serving a dark agenda?" and so on.

Well, on the one hand it's good to be aware of our shadow aspects and metaphysical imbalances in order to correct them, but on the other hand self-doubt can become debilitating when it spirals into paranoia and obsession. For instance, I have gotten into ruts where I became preoccupied with my procrastination and uncertainty, and that very preoccupation only made it worse...pretty soon I was fidgeting over where to even start, whether I have let opportunities pass me by, whether I'd be passed over due to not serving to the best of my ability, and so on... lots of "what ifs" and "me oh my" stuff. 

But then I catch myself and sweep aside all the speculation, and return to the facts. What are the facts... facts are I am aware of myself, I prefer helping other over manipulating them, I have felt pain for others, the future is open and regardless of past perceived failures there could still be positive surprises in store.  And if the intellect continues whining about "what ifs" I tell it to cite some logical examples or simma down.

Anyway, reason I mention this is because once you know some core truths about yourself, these can anchor you from getting too carried away by speculative self-doubt.

For instance, one of the first questions people who learn about the Organic Portals Theory ask themselves is "Gee, what if I am an OP?" -- well, according to the theory if you're self-aware, introspective, empathetic, and open enough to even ask this question then you are not. Just look within and be aware of your own awareness, feel out what you are inside, gather some facts about yourself... more effective than staying flustered.

Or recently when I explained my moderating approach concerning discerning between type (A) and type (B) individuals, the irony is that those with good hearts and introspective abilities are the first to get paranoid about themselves not being up to snuff, while the troublemakers cavalierly blow it off and adapt their tactics. In other words, as long as you know that you are sincere, so will those with discernment and intuition. Therefore, you can avoid self-destructive paranoia by simply knowing some basics about yourself and having the confidence that others with eyes to see will know it also.


Acquiring fringe knowledge is like digging for diamonds in a mine field.

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#2 2006-09-10 07:41:07

SiriArc
AD VO ZIN
From: Denver
Registered: 2005-08-03

Re: Knowing who you are (and are not)

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b321/siriarc/DarkTruth.jpg





http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b321/siriarc/spiralslarge.jpg





http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b321/siriarc/Stargate20Angel20final.jpg

Last edited by SiriArc (2008-02-16 10:30:32)


11   23   11

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#3 2006-09-10 15:32:16

StarCat
Member
Registered: 2005-10-12

Re: Knowing who you are (and are not)

Some few, against all odds and in the midst of often unbearable opposition, are anchoring alternative potentials into the Earth Matrix.


StarCat

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#4 2006-09-10 16:38:07

titmouse_
Kosmic MountainGoat
From: Shores of Lake Titikaka
Registered: 2006-05-26

Re: Knowing who you are (and are not)

An authentic life is mired in mud, and muck, and endless challenges of character, but also graced with love, and confidence, and a sincere depth of purpose. A false life is as thin as a seahorse on a Martian Mare"
~~carefulcarpenter


If one lives an authentic life, eventually they will see the beauty in others. OPs do not understand the question, those that touch the core of authenticity,  because they cannot understand why someone would choose a path of sincere altruism--for what gain?

Last edited by titmouse_ (2006-09-10 16:40:39)


Fun fact: Great Tits are common in Europe

To know love is to know trust; to know oneself is to know truth
~~carefulcarpenter


1+1=1

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#5 2006-09-10 16:41:27

Lono
Walker of worlds
From: Oklahoma, USA
Registered: 2006-05-03

Re: Knowing who you are (and are not)

That was a very timely (and well written) post, Montalk.  The entire thing rang true for me, as I have had instances of self-doubt that are necessary on the path, but can be crippling.  I have a talent for paradigm shifting, wherein I can take myself or any situation and skew the vision of it to see it from another angle, another's point of view.  This can get confusing at times, and I have to remind myself that my own POV is a chosen one, and the best I can do at any given time.   

montalk wrote:

Or recently when I explained my moderating approach concerning discerning between type (A) and type (B) individuals, the irony is that those with good hearts and introspective abilities are the first to get paranoid about themselves not being up to snuff, while the troublemakers cavalierly blow it off and adapt their tactics. In other words, as long as you know that you are sincere, so will those with discernment and intuition. Therefore, you can avoid self-destructive paranoia by simply knowing some basics about yourself and having the confidence that others with eyes to see will know it also.

But here, I see myself again.  Just before you made the post on moderation, I had made a rather heated post on a thread, moreso than usual.  I immediately wondered if the email you had countered had to do with me, then I had to stop myself and remember-- the universe doesn't revolve around me, chances are it had nothing to do with me.  Still I wondered, and I think that's common with people.

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#6 2006-09-10 19:02:30

treehugger
Member
Registered: 2006-02-06

Re: Knowing who you are (and are not)

I think a lot of us were wondering if it was us personally. big_smile Everyone has their  brief moments of self-doubt.


In man's analysis and understanding of himself, it is as well to know from whence he came as whither he is going.   Edgar Cayce

Beliefs are tools for social conditioning, rather than expressions of inner realization or inner truth.   unknown
Ad Verecundiam

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#7 2006-09-10 20:34:51

Godlike
Totally Random Man
From: Eire
Registered: 2006-08-30

Re: Knowing who you are (and are not)

montalk wrote:

Or recently when I explained my moderating approach concerning discerning between type (A) and type (B) individuals, the irony is that those with good hearts and introspective abilities are the first to get paranoid about themselves not being up to snuff, while the troublemakers cavalierly blow it off and adapt their tactics. In other words, as long as you know that you are sincere, so will those with discernment and intuition. Therefore, you can avoid self-destructive paranoia by simply knowing some basics about yourself and having the confidence that others with eyes to see will know it also.

I appreciate this greatly, Montalk. It is very difficult to truly convince oneself of these things, but a part of me knows it's true.

Loneliness and despair have been unwanted companions on my own journey, but they are surmountable with effort. It is well to be reminded that others understand and that the fetters of self-doubt are not binding to a pure heart and mind.


The River of Time flows from the Ocean of the Mind to the Mountain of Destiny.

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#8 2006-09-11 05:03:34

Magical_Mongoose
Dreaming Cyber-Hippy
From: A place forgotten
Registered: 2006-05-16
Website

Re: Knowing who you are (and are not)

I've been down that dark path Montalk. The feeling of failure, the feeling of doubt, the feeling you need to prove yourself to whoever or whatever are all things that can lead you along the wrong path. The desire to be recognized, the desire to be praised for something more than our "worth" or "beauty" is something that all humans, in the end, desire. To be lead away from our feelings of guilt by someone or something is what many of us crave. Yet these things are only temporary, and at the end of the day, when you are sitting alone without a something to distract you, the guilt returns.
This guilt is not an easy thing to break, as many of us have come from difficult incarnations in the past where a perceived injustice was done against our society during that time. A simple act, or failure to act, can bring back these floods of emotions that will cripple even the strongest.
For instance, I was a Native American in Ontario during the 1600's, when the Europeans arrived. They first came as traders, who we thought would let us live easier lives amongst the beautiful, if not unforgiving, land of the rivers and forests. Yet they came, and the flow never stopped. They swept the carpet up right from underneath us, and there was a sense that only if we had acted, only if we had denied them from our land from the first day, the history of our people would've been drastically different.
So here I was, 2005 Mid-August, New York City. Was helping my sister bring a suitcase down from her friend's apartment. As I was walking up the steps with her, there was a guy talking on a cellphone at the top of the stairs. As he saw us coming, he turned off his phone. As my sister was opening the door, I noticed that the guy was behind me, ready to follow us in.
"Do you live here?" looking dead into his eyes.
He didn't make eye contact. "Yes" he finally said.
And so instead of pushing the guy back and slamming the door shut, I let the guy in.
And now I know why I felt so guilty about this, because in one of my most impacting past-lives, we let in a great deal of people who we didn't know. We accepted their lies, because we were fearful to act against this awesome force we felt powerless before. And in may ways, we were powerless, for to act in violence would've brought certain death upon our tribe. Compliance was the only path to take, and to this day leads most Aboriginals throughout the world along an uncertain, guilt-ridden road.
Guilt brings the desire to prove yourself. The desire to prove your worth will lead you into interesting spaces, both physical and mental. The feeling of failure can make it seem like the world is agaisn't you, as if some unseen demons are determined to defeat you. The feeling of acomplishment makes it feel like it was rigged in your favour, because deep down you feel as if you do not deserve what you already have. All of this leads to paranoia, where your world begins to feel like "The Truman Show". 
Recovering from this period, I can tell you that although I saw and felt some things during that time which blew my concept of reality out the window, it is something that I wouldn't repeat. It was a lesson to learn, and like all lessons, there is no use in repeating it if you have passed.

Last edited by Magical_Mongoose (2006-09-11 05:06:28)


"Don't eat any wooden nickels."

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#9 2006-09-11 13:36:38

genero
Member
Registered: 2006-09-03

Re: Knowing who you are (and are not)

Discipline and certain threshold experiences have been useful for me to combat self doubt and the onset of dark whysperings that often flood our minds and create confusion and a lack of trust.  Learning to distinquish beteween our true mind and some of the other garbage that often collects in the skull can be challenging when I allow my self to get lost and take my eye of the ball so to speak.  Fasting is a useful threshold technique for establishing control over the mind and hearing your true inner voice again, but its bloody painful too because my guts love a good feed.  Also I find that my mind is always much clearer at night or in the early hours of morning.  Daytime is always much more challenging to stay on top of your doubt and inner confusion, any one else suffer the same experience?

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#10 2006-09-11 22:50:47

Capitan
Member
Registered: 2005-12-27

Re: Knowing who you are (and are not)

Although I am only in the process of fighting negativity myself, I would like to add or reiterate the point of shutting down the "intellect", "mind" or "thought" when it is bothering you.  The mind is part of your genetic physical flawed body, and due to your upbrining in this world, has been subjected to many different types of self destructive programming.  The overall purpose of this programming is not exactly clear to me, but I have learned that shutting down the mind for a while is like rebooting your computer when it starts getting a bunch of problems. 

I have been hypothesising that you mind, what gives you most of the logical and emotional thoughts and impulses that you experience during the day.  Your spirit/soul however communicates to you through intuition.  I haven't found a way to charectorise exactly what intution is because I believe in many ways the mind has learned to mimic it and blot it out.  Intution comes like a whisper in the ear only it is an understanding deeper then words can describe.  The chattering noise in your head is your mind, trying to keep you under its control, trying to blot out your intution.   

The difference between the capabilities of the mind and soul are quite drastic.  When you rationlize an argument, you are pleading your case to your mind.  The logic of the soul is thousands of times more complex, and were the soul to attempt to explain through rational arguments the advice it gives through intution, it would be similar to trying to explain quantum mechanics to an infant.  I believe if you learn to identify your intuition and trust it, you could gain a very large advantage in life.  If you are traveling down the highway of life, your mind can only see as far ahead as your eyes can see, but the soul is aware of the entire journey ahead of you. 

I believe this is how a person can function when they shut off the mind, how things just seem to work out for them.  Using the mind in a situation would be like trying to swim against the tide that is carrying you against the shore, where if you just relax you will notice you can catch the next wave and surf your way back to shore. 

I haven't had the chance to say these concepts are definately correct, but from my current experience I think there is something to it.


"...But Nothing is Lost:" "Nothing lasts... nothing lasts. Everything is changing into something else. Nothing's wrong. Nothing is wrong. Everything is on track. William Blake said nothing is lost and I believe that we all move on." - Terrence McKenna - Shpongle - But Nothing Is Lost

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#11 2006-09-12 03:05:49

transient
unrefined element
From: the mine
Registered: 2005-11-16

Re: Knowing who you are (and are not)

I resonate with, yes.

Montalk, you brought up the issue of self doubt, and that is a hurdle.

My self doubts at this point are things like this-

a. do I need to be able to meditate
(I can't really even picture myself doing this, are people who can/do necessarily on a higher evolutionary scale?)

b. The seemingly absolute futility in desiring more than what the current "system" has provided, knowing decay is the only inevitable course.

c. the more lies seen through, the further away real truth seems, and the less it matters after awhile, the layers of an onion.....which just gets more pungent with each one.

d. my complete refusal to label or embody any one belief "system" seems to make anything null and void.

.......to name a few.

I have no MILAB stories, I have never seen a UFO, my mind is open to these things without experiencing them firsthand.

For some reason I am drawn to these issues, I know they are not fiction, but I cannot really explain my own fascination.

Before I saw the term MILAB, the Andy Pero story, Projekt Ubermensch was my primer into the world of programmed snipers, etc.

What I guess I am illustrating is in many ways I am just a reality-based
truthseeker, it seems like many others here have had vivid experiences, positive or negative, I can really empathize even not knowing what it is like for some.

I do feel blessed for remembering everything, with no unexplained gaps, or missing time/ flashback experiences. I can't imagine really what that would be like to live with.

I got off on a tangent, I am pretty confident with the direction I am going, It's the one that leads away from everything else.

I am trying to fight the struggle, litte by little. The struggle we impose on ourselves, mainly through nefarious conditioning, (we truly are all MILABs in one sense or another, we have had something taken from us) the belief that life is and always will be a battle.... a hard one to break.
                                                           J


"I hate dreaming. because when you want to sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work. Next thing you know I have to build a go-kart with my ex landlord"
-The late Mitch Hedberg

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#12 2006-09-12 06:47:55

dylanfarms
Member
Registered: 2006-07-25

Re: Knowing who you are (and are not)

you got to listen to your heart, listen to the beat, listen to the rhythm, rhythm of the street, open up your eyes, open up your ears, get together and make things better, by working together

Last edited by dylanfarms (2007-11-09 06:02:22)


Me ga aita shunkan no sono hito wa

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#13 2006-09-13 00:18:45

thr33tim3
Member
Registered: 2006-03-10

Re: Knowing who you are (and are not)

Montalk, your message meant a lot to me in the past few days, I've read it a few times along with many other posts on this forum.
I have been living in a place full of confused feelings for many months and have been very confused what has been happening in my life. I do not even know what I want to say in this message. My thoughts often race ahead of my typing and it is hard to express.
You are right about knowing deeply who you are. I was in a relationship with a girl who read Matrix V and became convinced that she was a minion, which I think is probably similar to an organic portal. She was (still is) one of the most caring, heartful people I've ever known, but I could not explain to her that her basic introspective nature and desire to improve the lives of others showed that she obviously could NOT be a "minion"! But the thought of it tormented her, and both of us, because neither of us had ever experienced any heavy transpersonal connection with our higher selves or anything of that nature. We were very open to it, and did many affirmations along the lines of accepting and balancing all parts of ourselves, opening to connection with our higher selves, chakra balancing, visualizing golden light constantly. But our experience of life became a life of poverty, unemployment, alienation from our peers, and having to deal with abusive families and employers. The experiences shook us to the core, and as thoughtful sensitive people we often judged ourselves and wondered how we had failed? Why couldn't we experience connection with our higher self? Why did we affirm balance and experience constant disapointment and frustration?
Sometimes I feel deeply despairing and regretful for the experiences of the last two years, but I went into them so open-hearted, with so many affirmations of embodying my highest purpose for the good of all, that it was truly a shock to my system to be beat down so harshly.
In the last few months I have been working on dropping judgement of where I have been and where I am now. I thought I'd already been through all this, I really felt that I had done a lot of self-healing work and balancing. Now I am truly very confused.
Deep inside I am calm and centered throughout all of this and there is no fear there. This is the part that reassures me that all of this confusion is just the cover gloss of my experience and that in my core I am safe always. I have been working a little with "revoking false contracts" and recently had an interesting meditative experience while toning along to my heart and crown chakra balancing meditation (www.truesoundhealing.com), I was spontaneously moved to declare the cancelation and nullification of all false contracts with beings of darkness, etc. The moment I finished the affirmation and declared 'so be it' the singing bowl at the end of the recording toned to signify the meditation was over, I had lost track of time so it was a pleasant surprise and felt like a rush of energy.
I feel best when I can sit quietly and allow the mind to silence. It is very difficult, even though I have been practicing for many years. Most of the rest of the time I am directing my own thoughts and phrasing them as positive affirmations of balance and harmony.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I enjoy this forum.
Tim

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#14 2006-09-13 02:47:19

transient
unrefined element
From: the mine
Registered: 2005-11-16

Re: Knowing who you are (and are not)

Guilt mixed with doubt maketh tarpit.

Dylan, I kinda agree with your statement about guilt being ever-present, if I took that out of context then apologies; I think guilt in high amounts is at best alerting, at worst debilitating.

Doubt and guilt are so similar, it seems you can't have one much without the other.

It's like logic and belief trying to morph, it can't fully.

Likewise, in my exp, when one begins to fade out from ever-presence to more of a backseat reminder, the other naturally follows, and diminishes.

They can both be alarms to ourselves that we are moving in the wrong direction, we should be able to discern at what point they cease to be useful to us.

I think I am getting better at that..... even still it may always remain in small proportion, but for the most part guilt is totally counterproductive, as is doubt in ways, but that is only my take.
                                                            J


"I hate dreaming. because when you want to sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work. Next thing you know I have to build a go-kart with my ex landlord"
-The late Mitch Hedberg

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#15 2006-09-16 10:05:08

dylanfarms
Member
Registered: 2006-07-25

Re: Knowing who you are (and are not)

only failure is the failure to fight to change your perception to feel good

Last edited by dylanfarms (2007-12-06 16:08:02)


Me ga aita shunkan no sono hito wa

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