Topic: Looking for a Purpose, part 2
This is a continuation of my post on finding a purpose. I wanted to run my options by those that will take the time to read through this. I think that this could be long so I will try and be as brief and to the point as possible.
I created a post about not seeing a purpose in my life. I came across this feeling based on the fact that according to a lot the stuff I am reading it appears that my life, the life of humanity on earth is just a game. We are higher beings that subject ourselves to the limitations of the human body for some reason. It appears we are also being controlled and manipulated by some higher beings on an "ethereal plane" that are using us for their own purposes, similar to how cattle are penned by humans and manipulated for our own good.
This realization put a damper on many of the asperations I have had my whole life. I've never really been too interested in material pursuits, except for one, I want a speedboat. So because money and things didn't have the alure to me that it did to other people I began to look for a purpose to better humanity. However it seems from what I know now that even if I helped bring about the end of the New World Order it wouldn't really matter. The beings that run this planet would create something to replace them with a new order. Humanity would be reduped and the cause which I dedicated my life tom would have been a waste of time. My current impression is that the beings that are manipulating us have the ability to go back in time and change events until the present is the one that they want. So who knows maybe I did destroy the illuminati already, but they went back in the past and changed things so that now I won't.
I have been doing the same thing for the last 3 yrs of my life. I go to work and watch the clock all day in anticipation of going home. When I go home I just lay around doing nothing, or get on the net and search for the meanings of the universe.
I must find what things are important. I realilze that I probably won't find the answer to what I want to do in my life on the first try, but I need a direction to start in. Here are the options I have considered.
#1 Keep working at my job, of which I see no purpose in except for making money. More generally to pursue money so that I can have a large financial platform from which to seek purpose when I possibly have a better idea of a useful way to spend my life.
#2 Quit my job so that I have unlimited time to devote to finding a purpose and kind of drift looking for it.
#3 Pursue a higher education in Nuclear Engineering, my disicpline. I see this somewhat as a waste as I am unsure of the details of Nuclear politics and whether nuclear energy can be handled responsibly by humanity, and if it is even possible to do so. What getting a higher education would do would be to add a Masters, or Phd to my resume which usually increases your percieved status.
#4 Join the peace corps, or something of the sort. I don't really see anything wrong with this accept I look at most jobs in the corporate world as being designed to waste peoples time so they won't have the free time to discover the truths of reality. I see the peace corps as something similar. While I would make a difference to a community, I do feel that what I have to offer to peoples minds here, is of much greater help to humanity.
Which brings me to another of my stumbling blocks. For a while I wanted to spread the truth about reality to people, but seeing how it has drug me down to the depths of depression and perpetual feeling of futility, I don't know if I would wish waking up on anyone else. Why should I expect people to want to wake up. It's like in the movie the matrix. Neo wakes up from a somewhat nice world to a barren desolate world. Whats wrong with living in ignorance if you can be happy? I mean from what it seems to me the war is unwinable to humanity anway, so why not enjoy what I have untill I die?
Arghhh... I am spinning in circles again. I never get anywhere with these mental excersizes, because I pull 100 ideas out of the closet and then I need to try on every one before I go.